For as insecure as I am about my talents and abilities, I sure do a lot! This past weekend I performed my first wedding ceremony. I'm sure glad I decided to become ordained online, this is going to be a great addition to my business. On top of personal training, making a bridal bouquet, MOH clutch and two bouttaniers, I also sang at church and made time to be there for a friend in need. It was a busy Saturday. The day before, I painted my kitchen. The day after, I entertained. I was too pooped to stand come Sunday night, but I counted that a successful weekend.
This weekend I am hosting a reception for the worship ministry at my church. Saturday evening and Sunday afternoon, Grace Walkers will be welcome to have a snack while getting information about the worship arts opportunities we have available. In true Jessica style, however, I will first play saxophone for the opening number before ducking off stage to finish preparing the reception. Sunday I will entertain again.
When I first began dating my husband, I would accompany him to his family dinner ever Sunday evening. We'd get there about 3 or 4, then stay until almost 8 or 9. There would be snacks, an incredible meal, and the entire family there to fellowship with. Now that I have been blessed with so much space, I believe I want to start having a family dinner. Once I pay off the trustee in our bankruptcy, I will have an extra $450 in disposable income monthly. This will be done in December. At the beginning of next year I'd like to have family dinners in my kitchen a couple times a month. Everyone is invited.
The only other adventure before me at this time is the Toastmasters area contest. I volunteered to be contest manager to finish my Competent Leadership designation. There is certainly a lot to know, but I think it will be fun. Plus, one more opportunity to plan an event!
Perhaps my true talent is the ability to balance a full heaping plate with a smile
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Talent
I have many emotions right now that center on talent and ability. What is natural and God given? Is there a difference between being able to walk up to something an immediately master it, "They've got a natural talent for that!" and having an adventurous spirit that determines, "I can't do this yet, but I'm going to learn?"
Don't both forces come from the Father? I have a lot of hobbies, but I can't say I'm the best I know at any of them. I'm a musician, singer, painter, florist, and counselor to a point. I've had people tell me how talented I am, only that sentiment leaves me disappointed. I want more. I want to be better and grow. Since I'm not at a place called there yet, does that mean I'm not really talented?
In the bible, when each servant was given talents by the master, it was by their ability. This is a different context, but not really. While each was given something physical to invest or cultivate, we are also given ideas and desires (which are also supplied by Him, BTW). We are given all resources, physical and otherwise, to work with, based on our capacity to receive them.
Why does any of this matter, and why is it weighing heavily on me today?
I've only had one hobby that I've been ready to dive into and be the best at for years. I want to be a mother.
Based on what you already know about me, I have always got by somehow. Just recently, I wanted to learn to sing. Coming from having probably one of the poorer voice qualities in my community, I worked for it and practiced a lot. Now, I can sing. Not the best by far, but I'm a long way from where I started. That's what I'm talking about here: Anytime I've wanted something, I've taken it. Sometimes it's called talent, which I'm disputing in this blog. I call it faith with action. If I can believe in it, I can do it. Without my action, my belief means ass, and I look stupid.
So, why can't I achieve this very fundamental part of being a woman? On the surface, I know all the backlash for even materializing that thought: Womanhood doesn't always mean motherhood, and many other things neo fems would love to hate me for (I also believe in submitting to my husband BTW).
Fact is, women are made in God's image to bring forth life. I can pick up a paintbrush and throw some flowers together and I'm praised, but I can't do what I was uniquely designed to do. What should be my true talent, if you define it by the traditional standard.
I decided to spend a long period of time in prayer about this. I was basically given a feeling to hold off, much to my dismay. In that time, rapid change happened in my living situation. I can now "afford" to have children and have space to put them. Ok, I can see where you wanted me to be patient, God. I thought I was being pulled to adoption, and after more prayer, decided to give the decision to my husband. He wasn't ready to seriously consider it, again, much to my dismay. My mommy cool down has lasted 7 months.
I got another feeling just the other day. I can only describe it as a lifting of this burden from me. I also decribe it feeling like a green light or all clear signal. I immediately googled "best fertility doctor in az," and came upon a reporductive endocrinologist named Barbara Faber. I called her office and have an appointment with her in 2 weeks. This journey needs to be like all the rest now, where I decide it's time to learn something and put it into practice. Because faith without action means nothing, and I need to use the talent given to me by the Father to the best of my ability.
Don't both forces come from the Father? I have a lot of hobbies, but I can't say I'm the best I know at any of them. I'm a musician, singer, painter, florist, and counselor to a point. I've had people tell me how talented I am, only that sentiment leaves me disappointed. I want more. I want to be better and grow. Since I'm not at a place called there yet, does that mean I'm not really talented?
In the bible, when each servant was given talents by the master, it was by their ability. This is a different context, but not really. While each was given something physical to invest or cultivate, we are also given ideas and desires (which are also supplied by Him, BTW). We are given all resources, physical and otherwise, to work with, based on our capacity to receive them.
Why does any of this matter, and why is it weighing heavily on me today?
I've only had one hobby that I've been ready to dive into and be the best at for years. I want to be a mother.
Based on what you already know about me, I have always got by somehow. Just recently, I wanted to learn to sing. Coming from having probably one of the poorer voice qualities in my community, I worked for it and practiced a lot. Now, I can sing. Not the best by far, but I'm a long way from where I started. That's what I'm talking about here: Anytime I've wanted something, I've taken it. Sometimes it's called talent, which I'm disputing in this blog. I call it faith with action. If I can believe in it, I can do it. Without my action, my belief means ass, and I look stupid.
So, why can't I achieve this very fundamental part of being a woman? On the surface, I know all the backlash for even materializing that thought: Womanhood doesn't always mean motherhood, and many other things neo fems would love to hate me for (I also believe in submitting to my husband BTW).
Fact is, women are made in God's image to bring forth life. I can pick up a paintbrush and throw some flowers together and I'm praised, but I can't do what I was uniquely designed to do. What should be my true talent, if you define it by the traditional standard.
I decided to spend a long period of time in prayer about this. I was basically given a feeling to hold off, much to my dismay. In that time, rapid change happened in my living situation. I can now "afford" to have children and have space to put them. Ok, I can see where you wanted me to be patient, God. I thought I was being pulled to adoption, and after more prayer, decided to give the decision to my husband. He wasn't ready to seriously consider it, again, much to my dismay. My mommy cool down has lasted 7 months.
I got another feeling just the other day. I can only describe it as a lifting of this burden from me. I also decribe it feeling like a green light or all clear signal. I immediately googled "best fertility doctor in az," and came upon a reporductive endocrinologist named Barbara Faber. I called her office and have an appointment with her in 2 weeks. This journey needs to be like all the rest now, where I decide it's time to learn something and put it into practice. Because faith without action means nothing, and I need to use the talent given to me by the Father to the best of my ability.
Monday, July 18, 2011
Fall to Rise
I started a blog last year about living to the fullest of my potential in an 1127 sq. ft. home on Odeum Lane in Phoenix. I am leaving that post up to show what my thoughts were and how that revelation changed my life.
I hadn't wanted to go into what the last 5 years or so meant in my life, but I guess it's easier to see the blessing when you know where you came from. I was blessed early on with not having to put much into something to get satisfaction. Basically, I didn't have to put much effort into school, music, or home life to get along at an above average rate. I didn't know how much this delayed me until I got married. For the last several years my struggle has been battling laziness, and wanting what I didn't have and couldn't get just by showing up. If you ever have a similar conversation with my wonderful husband, you might find out we have the same shortcomings in this area. Wheras many couples have opposite personalities, and can pull each other out of their dark places, we sat together in sadness for a long time.
After my revelation to follow the call of God in my life in the area of my living space, I cleaned my act up. Instead of idolizing the picture of our dream home, I decided to dream in the space I was in. This was a skill I was going to need very soon, as we decided to file bankruptcy and surrender our home to the lender. My space was going to become a 10x10 bedroom at my mother's home, and a second 10x10 space for storage.
God's plan amazes me sometimes. My father in law called one night and asked my husband and I to move into my husband's childhood home and take over the mortgage payments there. If you don't already take the doctrine of double portion literally, listen up. We moved into a home with almost exactly double the sq. ft. of living space, for almost exactly half of what our mortgage payment was! Here we were, already humbled by our bankruptcy situation, and suddenly favored in a way we could never deserve!
I 100% believe that this could not have happened until I was ready to let go of my selfishness, and forgive myself. I had to fall to the bottom before I could be lifted back up. Let me tell you, when God wants to favor, he isn't subtle. He wants to show off.
I'll never forget my 1127 sq. ft. of Awesome that started this journey.
I hadn't wanted to go into what the last 5 years or so meant in my life, but I guess it's easier to see the blessing when you know where you came from. I was blessed early on with not having to put much into something to get satisfaction. Basically, I didn't have to put much effort into school, music, or home life to get along at an above average rate. I didn't know how much this delayed me until I got married. For the last several years my struggle has been battling laziness, and wanting what I didn't have and couldn't get just by showing up. If you ever have a similar conversation with my wonderful husband, you might find out we have the same shortcomings in this area. Wheras many couples have opposite personalities, and can pull each other out of their dark places, we sat together in sadness for a long time.
After my revelation to follow the call of God in my life in the area of my living space, I cleaned my act up. Instead of idolizing the picture of our dream home, I decided to dream in the space I was in. This was a skill I was going to need very soon, as we decided to file bankruptcy and surrender our home to the lender. My space was going to become a 10x10 bedroom at my mother's home, and a second 10x10 space for storage.
God's plan amazes me sometimes. My father in law called one night and asked my husband and I to move into my husband's childhood home and take over the mortgage payments there. If you don't already take the doctrine of double portion literally, listen up. We moved into a home with almost exactly double the sq. ft. of living space, for almost exactly half of what our mortgage payment was! Here we were, already humbled by our bankruptcy situation, and suddenly favored in a way we could never deserve!
I 100% believe that this could not have happened until I was ready to let go of my selfishness, and forgive myself. I had to fall to the bottom before I could be lifted back up. Let me tell you, when God wants to favor, he isn't subtle. He wants to show off.
I'll never forget my 1127 sq. ft. of Awesome that started this journey.
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