Since I was on here. I've been here and there, making the most of everything life is bringing lately. I've accomplished a lot. Ok, maybe not that much. I learned to make jelly, jam, apple sauce, pecan pie, biscuits... Pretty much all things I shouldn't eat. Whatever, it's homemade.
I never realized how a 3 week experience could shake my confidence to its core. Yeah, it's been a few months, but it's what I keep coming back to. In my thoughts, in my spare time. All I can do is say I miss MBA - I miss coming home, eating a cookie and drinking some milk, lay down and talk and pray with MBA, then take a short nap. It was a quickly established ritual that gave me quality time to sit and reflect on how i wanted to live my motherhood. I was a freakin rock star - I quit caffeine cold turkey, religiously ate my pre natals, and praised my body - like I was cheering it on to do something I knew it wasn't up for. Just like when you start sweet talking your car when you know you've waited too long to get gas, and you're hoping to make it to the gas station without breaking down.
Yes, my good days are now more than my bad. Let me update:
My wonderful Dr. agreed I should take clomid after my first whole cycle. That took 6 weeks for my period to start. Then, at day 26, I got my clomid rx. Ready to go at days 5-9 of the next cycle. All I had to do, seemingly, was wait about a week, and I was taking the next step. More than 2 months later, still no period. I have had a bottle of my much awaited, long coveted, first dose of clomid sitting on my counter top, almost mocking me.
A letdown. A letdown strong enough to make me think I have nothing worth posting about my day to day. My awesome1127 projects, not interesting enough. My crochet and cooking accomplishments, only chipping away at the negative balance that is my confidence.
I went in today to have a blood draw, and possible get provera to jump start my period. She'll call it in, and we will start again.
I'm a pretty strong lady. I have God, but I am subject to the world, and heartbreak, and disappointment. I just can't wait to start having my cookie and milk naptime again.
