October

I'm glad for a couple reasons. I've had more good than bad days. It's been 3 weeks since my ectopic surgery. It's been ONLY 4 months since miscarriage number 3. It's been 13 months since number 2, and over 4 years since the first.

I'm glad because my husband finally picked up the book I read about adoption called "Adopted for Life."

I'm glad because I am on the pill, with no more worry, for now, of losing another pregnancy. Please, let me just come up for a breath or air.

I'm glad because there are doctors now who will take my losses seriously.

I'm sad there has to be an awareness month for loss. I'm sad I'll pay out the nose for a surgery I didn't ask for, but couldn't have been avoided. I'm sad I can't seem to live a life that doesn't focus on this - parenthood, family, dreams, loss- quite so often.

I'm sad I've been led here again by my Lord, although I know He's here. It's still raining.

But it's October, my favorite time of year. I'll go with my comadre to pick out my Godson's costume this weekend. I get to kiss his fat cheeks, and I'll be happy.