Lapped

Thanks for reading. This might be the only post of mine that ever gets deleted. Maybe.

I am pulled both ways tonight. My best friend and I are in that fantastic womanly way of having synced cycles. She and her wonderful hubby decided since their son is 2 now, (my perfect godson), it's time to grow their family. It is their second month trying and I think it was a success. She sent me a photo of the test for my expert (and don't kid yourself, I'm an expert) opinion. I see a line where she's skeptical, but she's going to wait a few more days to try and test again. And then maybe a few more weeks before announcing to the rest of the world if the result is as I suspect. So, I'm over the moon that I might have another perfect child to lavish on. I am afraid I couldn't love another child like I love Noah... We'll see how that goes.

I had my 4th cycle of clomid this month. I feel like I'm about to have a period. I got the call from my doctor that I ovulated. I know my body and every ache, cramp, tug... I read my cervical mucus like it's tea leaves... My acne breakouts are little constellations telling me what hormones are high... At this point in my cycle, I will either be pregnant or start my period in a day or so. So I thought it would be a good idea to buy a test. God's answer this month is still NO.

I know all the right things to think. I just am having a hard time thinking them right now.